I had contractions for 9 hours without any pain meds (and have nobody to blame but myself). As many of you know, I had to have a c-section after 14 hours of labor. My body didn’t tolerate the surgery well and after Piglet was born they knocked me out. I got to see him briefly as they wheeled me from the recovery room. We stopped at the nursery and the nurse held up my little guy as we stopped. We didn’t get to stay long, maybe about a minute…and then they were wheeling me off to our room.
A long 3 hours later, I was finally able to see my sweet beautiful boy. It was 18 hours after I had been admitted to the hospital. Piggy was already 4 hours old. I was exhausted, drugged and hungry. I remember the relief I felt when the nurse finally brought him in. Matt handed the little bundle of joy to me and the room fell silent as everyone watched us meet for the first time. A short while later, the nurse came to get him so I could rest.
For a long time, I couldn’t remember anything else. To be honest, I still don’t. I would ask Matt and my Mom – did I smile at him, did I look happy. The only answer I got from them was – Oh, you were so tired; you’d been through so much. I couldn’t help but to wonder if they were afraid to tell me the truth.
Matt had been nagging me to watch some home videos of Piggy’s first few months. No matter how many times he asked, I couldn’t do it. I was afraid the video would confirm my greatest fears – that I didn’t smile, that Piggy didn’t know how happy I was that he finally arrived.
One night last week, Matt was looking at videos on his computer. The video of the night Piggy was born, the first time I got to hold him. I was nervous and scared to even hear the audio. Finally, I took a deep breath and had him start from the beginning. Matt had captured the first few minutes of Piggy’s life on video – the first few minutes that I lost because I was still in the OR.
Finally, it came to the part I had been dreading. On the video Matt whispered, Here is Connor meeting Mommy for the first time. I looked at the computer screen and after what felt like a million hours (but in reality was really only a couple of seconds) I smiled at Connor and I stroked his face while he slept. As I was holding him he woke up. And our eyes met. His eyes got big and he gave me a look as if to say, Oh Mama, where have you been, I've been waiting for you.
I can't even begin to describe how emotional I was watching that video or how emotional I am now writing this. Whatever lingering doubts I had, have been completely wiped out.
Besides, how could anyone not love a little Piggy like this?
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